Thursday, 14 July 2011

‘Les Vainqueurs de la Bastille?’ - Just blame Britain & the birth of the U.S. of A.



Just 222 years ago today on the 14th July 1789 at around 1.03pm – a little under 1000 angry, desperate & hungry citizens of pre 'Gay Paris' gathered outside the walls of the formidable multi towered Bastille prison with its tall and imposing five foot thick walls, and thus in the bloody events that were to unfold there in a matter of just a few short hours time, these Vainqueurs de la Bastille’, led mostly by one Amaria Cahila were to become permanently etched into French folklore as a direct result of their brave, sacrificial and impassioned actions during the now famous ‘Storming of the Bastille’ episode.

This watershed event in French 18th century history signaled the beginning of the end of the ruling Monarchy of King Louise XVI and his celebrated but infamous wife Marie Antoinette, the igniting of the French Revolution and later the fearsome 'la Terreur'…and thence within a short space of time, heralded the very birth of the modern French Republic and their national motto:

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité " - Liberty, Equality, Fraternity (Brotherhood)
                                          
Today is therefore 'La Fête Nationale' (The National Celebration) - 'Bastille Day'

In the summer of 1789 Monarchist France was economically on its knees, and ordinary French men and women were by then, impoverished, weary and starving. Much of this had been fuelled by France’s recent money haemorrhaging intervention in the American War of Independence and a similarly colossal amount of expenditure wasted on Louis XVI unrealised plans to bring about a mass military invasion of Britain. Add to this now fast melting pot, a regressive taxation system coupled with a hopelessly outdated set of protocols and governing rules, under the control of the woefully indifferent aristocracy and noble classes of the second estate, and you have a country sized powder keg of a crisis just waiting for a spark to explode it all to Hades.

To cut a much longer historical story short here - come the morning of 14th July that year, a growing mob of buoyed up third estate common citizens and a military contingent of French Guards, sympathetic to the peoples cause, had already elected to meet a call to arms and a very real and impending threat of massacre from the defiant Kings army camped just over the River Seine, which itself was largely made up of dispassionate German and Swiss mercenaries who had no care or affections for the peoples plight.

Images courtesy - Flickr
   Led by Amaria Cahila, the Vainqueurs de la Bastille stormed into the Hôtel des Invalides to gather up some 29 - 32,000 muskets, but unfortunately missing the critical powder and shot to render them of any use. The next stage in the day’s proceedings was to march on the Bastille prison itself, as it was known that a sizable store of gunpowder, shot and other weaponry were encased within the cellars below. In fact, there were some 13,600 kilograms of gun powder alone being kept under close guard in the bowels of the prison fortress and yet only about 550 kilograms of prisoners - all seven of them in fact, one of whom was so loopy froggy loo that he truly believed he was Julias Caesar.

Imagine their collective surprise and bewilderment then as the victorious Vainqueurs later stumbled across this crazy long haired old man ranting out the Bards imortal lines, having just been freed from his cell - 

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears…I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him!" 

One of the elements I love about this particular video is the way the performer briefly pops back into frame right at the very end...to give the salute. Marvelous stuff.

"Aux armes, citoyens, To arms, citizens, Formez vos bataillons, Form your battalions, Marchons, marchons ! Let's march, let's march! Qu'un sang impur That a tainted blood Abreuve nos sillons ! Water our furrows!"

The crowd gathered outside the Bastille walls around mid-morning, calling for the surrender of the prison, the removal of the canon guns and the release of the arms and gunpowder to the Vainqueurs. The Governor of the prison – the arrogant Bernard-René de Launay – said “Non!” but agreed to parlez with a couple of the peoples representatives inside the Bastille itself. At about 1.13pm the Vainqueurs patience had reached expiry point and thus with no sign of emergence from their compatriots within the walls, they presumed they’d been royally duped…and so kicked off, properly and noisily by scaling the outer perimeter walls. 


The subsequent fighting and heavy losses to the peoples army continued, until at around 3.09pm the attackers were reinforced by mutinous ‘Gardes Françaises’ and other deserters from among the regular troops, along with two field cannon. The substantial force of Royal Army troops encamped on the nearby Champs de Mars did not intervene as had been expected from the previous day. 

With the possibility of a massacre now all too apparent,  Governor de Launay ordered a cease fire at approx 5.05pm. A letter offering his terms was handed out to the besiegers through a gap in the inner gate. His demands were refused and so de Launay capitulated, as he realised his troops could not hold out for much longer. On opening the gates to the inner courtyard, the Vainqueurs de la Bastille swept in to liberate the fortress at around 5:31pm that same afternoon. Game set and match. Grab the keys to the castle. Job done.

Images courtesy - Flickr
Ninety-eight attackers and one defender had died during the actual fighting. De Launay was immediately seized and dragged towards the Hôtel de Ville in a storm of spitting abuse and harsh language. Outside the Hôtel a discussion as to his fate began. The badly beaten de Launay shouted "Enough! Let me die!" and then quite inexplicably kicked a respected pastry cook named 'Dulait' smack in his jolly old chestnuts.

 Oh dear merde Bernard! Not a good moment to have a bad knee jerk reaction like that one, mon soon to be ex ami. What on 'Bastille Day' were you thinking?!! He was a pastry chef for goodness sake. Duhhh. I would have definitely come up with a better plan than that one bloke! Jeeeze. Bernard-Rene de Launay was then stabbed repeatedly by Dulait's Mother, eight sisters and fourteen cousins, till he finally stopped complaining and lay down on the cobblestone street to take better stock of his predicament. While mulling it over and trying vainly to contrive a better way out, his head was carefully sawn off, kicked rudely around the alleys like a football for a while, before being skewered onto a pike and triumphantly paraded through the streets of the now newly, liberated, Paris. Bernie had clearly shot his last and final bolt then, and is rumoured to have eventually passed away quietly, sometime later that evening.


And so as the flies and dust settled around the Bastille that sultry afternoon, the newly liberated proletariat of France's third estate, together with their numerous representatives from the middle class bourgeoisie, reconstituted themselves as the National Assembly and began a long and eventually even bloodier five year journey away from 100 years of Monarchic French rule and costly feudalism. The foundations of the ‘Republique Francaise’ had been set in stone, a brand new French Constitution would be written, and an awful lot of heads would roll off the guillotines blade, including even those of Louis XVI & Marie Antoinette themselves during 1793, before the arrival of yet another keen and highly ambitious dictator nicknamed ‘The little corporal’…during 1799.  



Note: The above video is the whole 30 minute firework display of the Paris 'Bastille Day'
celebrations, as they played out on 14th July 2011.  Spectacular stuff and well worth a view,
as well as a listen, to the lively orchestral soundtrack that accompanies this freshly baked
from 'La Boulangerie' video. Don't forget to click on the 'Full Screen' video button.

Funny that, although in truth it’s not in the least bit funny at all –but what is it about all these young ‘corporals’ that end up bringing Europe to its knees for generations. About 130 years later, didn’t Herr Hindenburg refer to Hitler as "der bohmische Freiter,"… the Bohemian Corporal?

'La Colonne de Juillet' -  'The July Column'
http://flic.kr/p/5QYqvy  
 
The commercial memento potential and publicity
 value of the Bastille was quickly seized upon by the entrepreneur Pierre-François Palloy who didn't waste any time at all in establishing a claim to the site, by organising a labour force of some 500 men on the 15th July 1789 – the very next day. Now that’s what I call keen. He then managed to procure a demolition license from the Permanent Committee at the Hotel de Ville, along with a sizable fund of Francs to enable him to secure complete control of the now famous site, as well as hire another 500 or so labourers to speed up the daunting task of dismantling the Bastille altogether.

During the four months that followed, 'Boy Palloy' profited well from the steady and sizable hordes of visitors who flocked in increasing numbers to see the building, having turned the whole area into a paying attraction show, with a vast array of souvenirs on sale as well as the selling of pieces of Bastille rubble, each with an official certificate of authenticity. This guy was clearly one very shrewd chestnut. Imagine if they’d had EBay back then. The site would have crashed with the weight of about 10,000 tonnes of rubble being auctioned off during the following couple of weeks.

The area where the Bastille prison used to stand is now a square called La Place De La Bastille, at the center of which stands the Bastille monument - 'La Colonne de Juillet'

Thinks?   You know…that’s not a bad idea. I mean does anyone actually know of anyone who claims to still have a pile of Bastille rubble locked away in their safety vaults?

Thought not.

Let’s try another one then – Anyone know precisely what a pile of aged and seasoned Bastille rubble actually looks like now?

Take that as a big ‘no’ then too.

Hmmm?

Now I know that they used a lot of the Bastille stone to help construct the Pont de la Concorde, just over the Seine River, but I bet there’s not that many French Hawkeyes that could tell you precisely where they actually used it anymore.

So…what’s to stop someone – like me – sneaking down the local quarry at night for the next few months and bish bosh bashing up a few big lorry loads of….

”And I’m afraid that’s all we have time for tonight folks, so it’s ‘Goodnight from Him’…and a big ‘Bon Nuit from me’

"Ta Tahh !!"

Images courtesy - Flickr


P.S. - As an interesting historical footnote to this story:

France is America's oldest ally. It was only through French military intervention, led by the Marquis de Lafayette and Count de Rochambeau, that General George Washington's troops were able to eventually defeat the British. The key to the one time Bastille now resides in George Washington's residence of Mount Vernon.

It was sent to him by Lafayette in 1790…as a peace offering.

Hmmm.

"Go on then Mme Fly, I double dan dare you...lash out a few modern references to that then? !!


Saturday, 9 July 2011

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Guess what this 'post haste' is all about then??


NO! NOT THEM !!!  DUHHH!!!THISSS!!! ↓↓
“…Four red lights…Five red lights……No red lights!!...AND ITS GO GO GO!!!!!..”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW




EEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

EEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW


EEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWW


EEEEEEEEOOOOWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWW

EEEEEEEEOOOOWWEEEOOOWWEEEE EEEEOOOWWEEEEEEEEOOOOWWW UHUH BONK ... UH OH ... ... ... NOT GOOD ...OUCHHHH 

EE EEE EEEEE EE EEE E E EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOHHhsShhhittt!!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW 
EEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  www ww w… uhhh w..uh uh uh uhhhhhhhhhhh bish bosh bonky wonky smash…….

Silence.
                “SHIZEN!!!”

Still a big nope?

Okay - give you a clue – It starts when all the lights go out and it ends at a waved chequered flag?

And it’s got naff all to do with a cats choir.




Great bunch of F1 music montage videos below here.

And if you enjoyed the haunting 'deep down south' ballad by Johnny Cash that 
accompanied the above video, you might want to take a look at his original 
video version here. The video visuals & image slide show alone are a work of art.
Seriously not floating your boat still?…no problemo – try this one then …


And if you kinda liked the soundtrack to this short 're-mix' video...well here is the link
                     to the original Kanye West stunning ballet scene  music video which promotes an
 excerpt from his visually sensual film... 'Runaway'.

 Annnddd! - if  you want to fast forward to the 'ballet scene in full' ...
it begins around 10.52 on the video slider bar. 
Open your mind a little.  Enjoy...

Very seriously still not getting your boat there even a little bit wet?....Well try this one too then...



And if you're still not entirely convinced at this point, well "Boo Suck" to you then, cos it's that July month megga event thing that has always rocked my universe, and my much anticipated annual pilgrimage to my own personal Mecca & Medina in a pretty rural part of middle England is nigh on nigh and now only one more night away !!




 Allah is Good, Allah is Good…but if it rains at Silverstone this weekend, well, Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button will probably prove to be just as divine & spiritual as he is, assuming their respective home GP luck holds out. I hope so anyway, even if this little tome ends up costing me a bit of a Fatwa with my neighbours from downtown Aqaba.

More on me, racing cars and a great many associated adventures and misadventures another time perhaps.

And now for a much needed beer commercial  break – If you’re a bit of a Geezer, you really, really, need to take a gawp at this. No...I mean you really really really really need to - Capiche?!


"...and the Oscar for 'best celebrity blonde in a completely unpretentious role'......
Goes to..."
Okay...that's the end of the commercial break part - where was I ??

Oh yup, here I was…So if you really really really absolutely detest the sound of F1 racing cars, then stick your headphones on, turn up the volume and click to listen to this beautiful selection of birdsong I recorded sometime earlier.

Don’t worry in the slightest about the misleading image of an F1 racing car on the cover of this YouTube video, I just don’t happen to have any images of birds and fluffy baby kittens in my extensive photo collection. Just ‘relax’ put your head back and...delight in the natural sounds of the Northamptonshire countryside in July.

Okay...so I lied a bit.

So if you’re a Brit…’Hoist the Colours’, nail them to the mast, and in the bestest of very patriotic nods to the undying spirit of the British Admiralty’s onetime terms of engagement with the enemy and thus, ‘articles of war’, to all serving warship Captains and Commanders of the British fleet during the earliest days of our 19th century’s Royal Naval history…

”Sir - You are hereby ordered, from this day forward, to pursue and bring to battle, all enemies of his most honorable and glorious Majesty – HRH. King George, wherever, or who so ever they may be, and thence sink, burn, or take them prize. This will remain your most sworn and solemn duty, in the name of the King.”


And so for all those who are about to live right out there on the edge this Sunday afternoon at the much revived and hugely revered Silverstone Race Circuit – I most respectfully and humbly salute you.



Advanced Warning: This is just a little filler ‘postette’ for today. I’m still trying to finish painting and decorating another slightly longer blog post to nail up over the weekend.

No really !

P.S.   Don’t waste your time blogging me on Saturday or Sunday afternoon, cos there’s absolutely no chance in hell what so ever that I’ll ever hear you for all the racket the F1 race cars will be making on my Tv. And anyway…I’d only completely ignore you anways.


No matter what your fancy and in spite of me and one of mine this weekend – have a good one…seriously - Phil.

Sunday, 5 June 2011

And so it's goodbye to the 'Dismal O'clock News' & Hello! to the 'New Age Hippy Happy News' - or is it?

Image courtesy of: http://himbeerkuss.deviantart.com/art/happy-hippie-93569020 

Okay, so I know I haven’t been blogging much inside here over the last few months – more ‘scarper’ than ‘blogit’ I’m afraid. Although I have been indulging myself ‘comment wise’ on the many other funny and diverse blogs I like to parachute into from week to week, as well as responding in kind to all of your own comment submissions on this very blog here. Thank you one and all again by the way.

Now then...before you start reading this lot...and as a special favour to me...scroll on down for a sec...and press the 'play' button on the Jimmy Hendrix music video. It's only about 30 centimeters down below... then scroll back up here and carry on reading. Ta - EvaSo...  

So…what’s been happening down here on planet earth these past couple of months then? Anything of great importance and significance in the greater scheme of things?

I mean, apart from ‘The Arab Spring’ uprisings - Will & Caths darin great escape in his old mans Aston Martin down 'The Mall' - The new sister-in-law who came in from 'way-hey!' behind and nearly stole the whole damn show - Elizabeth Taylor plays out her final scene and sadly passes away - Elizabeth Windsor parties in yellow in Dublin - Barack Obama gets all wubbery lipped on the black stuff in Dublin a week later (what if him and Lizbeth had met up in the same bar together?.. imagine.."A pint of your best Guinness for myself and a Daiquiri for the dear and lovely Lady smiling next to me please good Paddy sir, and (in a hushed Chicago tone now) you can stick it on her tab if you don't mind my good bloke, and her Greeky husband over there can sing for his dang gin for all I care." - Super Injunctions become the new ‘coolest things to have’ amongst the elite of the glitterati - Osama Has-Bin Laden becomes skank shark bait in the Arabian Sea - Thirty seven and a half dead sharks reported floating on surface of Arabian Sea the very next day...acute lead poisoning suspected as cause of deaths - Naked boss of our planets biggest monetary fund accidentally sprawls headlong over hotel chamber maid while she’s stripping the bed in NY – Twice divorced Kerry Katona, 30, says of her break up with boyfriend Dan after a full eight weeks, "I had a good cry, rejection is a horrible thing. I honestly believe that I will be a lonely old lady stinking of cat wee with 17 cats and that I'll never find anybody." - Katie Price gets up before the crack of noon for the very first time, catching paparazzi fast asleep in nearby hedges – Ex Mr Universe Austrian Governor of California admits to conceiving love/shag child in same week as his other real son - Bloke who runs Italy charged with paying for sex with a 17 year old - Bloke who runs FIFA and the ‘not so beautiful’ game allowed to continue doing whatever he promises he never did during his last three terms – ‘honest’ – for another four years till he’s eighty - Julian Assange wins the Martha Gellhorn prize for journalism and an assortment of nice chocolates and thank you cards from the worlds wealthiest newspaper moguls and…

Well excuse me while I nearly yawn myself to death for a moment here. But then hang on one more moment Phil bloke…don’t crawl off back into your coma just yet fella, cos it looks like some pretty 'cowgirl' with an original sense of humour has just ridden into town and thrown her hat to the saloon bar floor with this piece of positively new breaking news:-

“The vivacious now ex BBC news presenter: Natasha Ka Ka Kaplinsky (shouldn’t have gone to Specsavers though)(English joke by the way)..admits she’s totally stupefied and cannot possibly justify her new £1million a year salary from her brand new employer over at ‘Five News’ because she’s only a “reasonably serious journalist”, and she’s a bit concerned that the programmes producers have asked her to wear jeans in their attempts to “lift the spirits of its audience” in future.”   


(Rrrrrrrrrrring Rrring - Rrring Rrring - Oooh...that was quick!...Erm..."Hello.. Mrs Kaminted-an morally challenged-nowski. If you want... I'll happily help you offload a few of your latent Wonga zero's to ease your conscience Tashiski. My A/c details will very quickly follow. Believe me-ski!... my little favouritest, most gorgeousest, bright and telligentest newski reader on the tellyski.... honestski!!


‘Kaplinsky’s Karma News’ – to be idiomatically crass for a moment perhaps?

And to quote ‘The Telegraph’ on this one from just a few days ago:
“It emerged last week that Five's new bulletin, which starts on Monday, will attempt to lift the spirits of its audience by presenting "positive" stories to viewers. Chris Shaw, the channel's head of news, said he wanted to make the news "less dismal" after research suggested that viewers were turned off by a constant stream of depressing stories.”


So it’s going to be a whole new era of ‘Nice News TV’ then. Natasha Kaplinsky’s ‘Not The So Dismal O’clock News’…and in jeans to boot. And for a million squids a year, our Natasha gets to sponsor the beleaguered British tax payer with a personal donation of half a million of those same squids a year, right back into the starved and hungry coffers of our much beloved Inland Revenue.

Which in turn means that in a mere 40,000 years time, poor old Natasha Kaplinski would have single handedly ‘News’d’ us all up to the tune of…tap tap tap tap tap….£20 billion squideroonies!! Bingo! That’s pretty much what this island nation had to cough up to bail out RBS a few years back after Fred the Shred Goodwin ejected himself out of the pilots seat on his way to the scene of the crash, with a six figure a year pension, and kindly left us all to clean up the wreckage for him.


"...and I'll find you Fred, believe me...one day...I'll find you.."

Well Woopy Doopy Doo! And thanks Natasha! What a brilliant idea. Hippy Happy Tax Efficient News. Who ever would have thought of that?? No more nasty violence, murders, untimely deaths, road carnage, natural disasters, disease pandemics, jobless figures, company collapses, strikes, protests, riots, political debates, politicians, sex lives of politicians, politicians expenses enquiries, bankers bonus awards, bankers golden handshakes for imploding the very banks that hired them, city trader bonuses, terrorist births, terrorist deaths, terrorist sightings, terrorists of the week, terrorist bombings, terrorist threats, banal billionaire lifestyle features, what confused Kerry Katona while she sat on the new ex's loo - omnibus, Victoria Beckham’s daily designer handbag purchase updates, hourly economic downturn updates, natural resources’ running out faster than expected forecasts, fresh food you definitely shouldn’t risk eating anymore megga lists, food you might be safe to eat this week but probably not next week forecast lists, hopelessly confused 'rapture date' rescheduling circulars, England just scrape a draw against Cuckoo Clock Land at Wem-ber-leee footie results…and ‘Andy Murray’s been knocked out of the final again’ headlines…



So…what’s this ‘Not So Dismal O’clock News’ actually going to revive all our jaded spirits with and get us all swinging together again in a universally united blissful euphoria of revisionary 60’s style peace, love and rock-n-roll ???


A daily roster list perhaps, of all the legions of genuine hardworking, unsung hearts of gold, fully qualified and hugely underpaid social care workers who silently patrol the streets and homes of the elderly and physically needy each and every day come rain, snow or shine to ensure them a quality of life, cleanliness and dignity that at least meets the bare minimum levels of acceptable human rights and existence, perhaps?

No. Okay, how about some regular feature reports, publicly recognising all the other 'unpaid' community volunteers who give up most of their time in quiet personal devotion to helping out those who cannot fully take care of themselves, or of whom our wider society is simply too busy to spare a thought to for much of the time, perhaps?

No. Okay. Well how about this bit of positively, fantastically, ground breakingly, heart warming news for an uplifting news headline then:
 
Reproduced by kind permission ofThe Good News Network.com

Thursday, June 02, 2011
Disposable Diapers. They’re one of the biggest contributors to overflowing landfill sites piling up at a rate of 1 ton of trash per kid per year. And the worst part is that not a single disposable diaper ever made has yet decomposed. It is estimated that disposable diapers take 500 years to break down, which means the very first disposable diaper created 40 years ago is still sitting in the dump, holding court with all the other species that have since joined it. But now, a scientist named Alethia Vázquez-Morillas from the Autonomous Metropolitan University in Mexico City has found a way to turn that 500-year span to a mere 4 months, by using oyster mushrooms to accelerate the breakdown. How?
Oyster mushrooms break down cellulose, which allows them to feed on decaying trees. This same substance makes up the bulk of disposable diapers, so putting the two together results in 90% decomposition of the diapers in just 2 months, with full results in 4. Oyster mushrooms can’t solve the problem of human waste being added to landfills that aren’t designed to hold it or filter out chemicals like SAP & Doxin, but these industrious mushrooms hold the promise of at least removing the bulk of diaper waste from landfills that need a break.


Ahhhh…poor old worn out landfill sites. Whatever have we been doing to you these last four decades? Lets see if we can make it all better for you then and all start growing bio-degrading, homicidal, magic mushroom, diaper killers then, right alongside the strings of daisy chains we’re all going to be cultivating to adorn our new retro hippy happy hairstyles.

And here is a short video of the CEO and anchor woman of ‘The Good News Network’ introducing her special brand of ‘Happy News’ to the world at large, from her studio out back in the garden...


Now…having been enthralled by her wonderfully uplifting and eloquent promotion here. Do you think she’s perhaps just a little bit too happy, as in ‘hippy happy’ on a few too many swigs of the old hippy happy dandelion juice? Nice to know they’re in their 14th year of spreading the ‘happy news’ message to us all too. How sweet.


Fact is – Good News Travels Fast...Bad News Travels Faster...and infinitely further.

Trouble is, we really do exist in a multi tonal society, and shit really does travel uphill, so we can’t survive in the real world by being selective and just picking out the nice red sweets from the bag all the time. It just doesn’t work long term. Denial is a harmful form of ignorance, and ignorance is not at all that blissful for very long in actuality. In fact amongst other things, ignorance makes us vulnerably weak and thus prey to the threats of harmful corruption from those predators who will always swoop down to seek advantage and control from the darker recesses of this rock we all perch on and, and…yadda yadda yadda yadda.

Back to - "Back in the day" ?
Well this is not exactly news either is it? I mean we already know all this don’t we? Fact remains that we ‘do’ live in a mostly tough, cruel and unjust world which all too regularly in this modern techno age of instant global news communication systems, platforms, apps, gadgets and endless other devices...batters the very life and soul out of a growing too many of us, till we no longer know how, whether or when, to either laugh or cry in sensible portions without resorting to Google first for an update.
(take deep breath)

And so to hell with the dismal o’clock news and the new age hippy happy news, and lets just fast forward to ‘the laughter’ part… if for no other reason than we still can - when others far less fortunate than ourselves...cannot.

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."  ~Victor Borge

We’re just not kicking back and deep down belly laughing like we used to. We’re not making the time or the effort to grab hands together and ‘let it all go’ with an unrestrained apoplexy of unabashed tear streaming, face contorting, milk running out of nose, carefree abandonment of our usual social cool and deportment for a few minutes. Cos we’re not making the time to chew down our laughter beans anymore – and tension levels are fast approaching the red line and melt down. A crisis of laughter gluts looms then.

So just as any essentially sustaining, nutritious diet must contain a mix of carbs, proteins, fats, salts and fibres, then so should the heart and soul of our emotional health and well being, be safely balanced and maintained with regular doses of laughter vitamins as well. Even if we now admit to needing a bit of help in down loading them.

Here’s one of my all time favourite quotes - “Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense”.   Doesn't that just make you want to smile??


Now...if you relate to the above phrase, and you live on the 'thong' side of the gender fence...try chucking a couple of pairs of hubbies old work boots into the wash n dryer, and some cushions on the floor. Climb aboard carefully, set it to medium wobble spin and read the above quote out loud, six times slow - or fast. 


An then.. do it all over again...an again...an again.... till you slide off to the floor, land on all fours...and can't stop crying out loud with tears and screeches of unabated laughter. 


Now go make that crap but important call you've been putting off from making for wayyy too long... then when dun...skip on back to the wash dry device, grab-a-glass of something nice & alchy, and set it on to 'all day spin and crease dry mode'...an have a 'so' much betterer afternoon.    (he  heeeee... !!)  Just remember to lock the front and back doors, in case 'Mother' pops round with some nice cabbages from her garden.

The Old Corn Flake Himself.
John Harvey Kellogg.


Could have been a quip straight from the lips of the real John Harvey Kellogg himself back in the days of the ‘Battle Creek Sanitarium’ in Michigan in the late 1900’s where he practiced the pioneering science of holistic well being in mind and body, by way of diet, physical exercise, sexual restraint and use of powerful laxatives? (!)
 Quite an explosive mix for one of the co founders of the Kellogg’s cornflakes corporation. Here’s a short clip from the opening scene of a masterfully creative and bizarrely entertaining  film called ‘The Road to Wellville’ which depicted the life of J H Kellogg as played by Anthony Hopkins: Feel free to chuckle if you want to…


According to Sigmund Freud - "A general theory that explains laughter is called the ‘relief theory’, summarised in his subsequent theory that laughter releases tension and "psychic energy". “This theory is one of the justifications of the beliefs that laughter is beneficial for one's health. This theory explains why laughter can be used as a coping mechanism when one is upset, angry or sad.Says The Sig.

That being the scientifically acknowledged case will give much deserved credence then to the steadily rising growth of ‘Yoga Laughter Clubs’ now springing up around our planet, as depicted by one of our very own ‘Masters of Laughter’ – Mr John Cleese-Python himself in this highly infectious video reportage of the origins of the ‘Yoga Laughter Culture Club’ in India:


And if having watched the above video from start to finish you still didn't experience even the smallest temptation to chuckle a bit here and there – you should really go get your pulse checked out by an expert. Poste-Haste.

Another quote worth taking note of is this one by Alan AldaWhen people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other

How true. I read a fascinating true story once about an extraordinary incident which occurred in the rebel held mountain wilderness of Yemen back in the 70’s. Three seasoned SAS soldiers were holed up together for some ten days or so manning a remote outpost together in a small sandbagged dugout, deep inside hostile territory known to be held by tough enemy Yemeni rebel soldiers.

One day, without warning, their tiny outpost - little more than a wide hole in the ground - came under an intense and vicious attack from mortar shells and machine gun fire from the nearby surrounding hills. During the fearsome and gruelling firefight between the attacking rebels and the three soldiers defending the outpost, a mortar shell exploded bang smack inside the open dugout, which was barely more than 15 feet in diameter, instantly blowing to tiny pieces one of the three men, but quite incredibly leaving the other two soldiers virtually unscathed, other than shocked, deafened and completely covered in the shredded remains of their now tragically ‘ex’ good friend – & totally naked to boot as a result of the effects of the mortar shell blast.

The author described how he and his co survivor just sat there staring around their small destroyed dugout trying to figure out where on earth ‘Pete’ had disappeared to, as well as why they were both now completely stark bollock naked and covered in so much blood and gore. “Then”, he said, “The penny dropped for both of us at precisely the same moment, and as we stared at each other, we just erupted into huge howls of completely manic and uncontrollable laughter together – rolling around in the dirt, clutching our sides in a grotesque and insane display of tension relief by way of spontaneous hysterical laughter and similar undiluted screechings. All of which was being witnessed by a growingly surprised, bemused and quite incredulous band of onlooking rebel fighters concealed amongst the rocks and hills nearby.

While the two soldiers were busy reeling around in their deranged still maniacally laughing state together, their now bewildered Arab attackers slowly began standing up out of their hitherto hiding places, staring inquisitively whilst shaking their heads at the sight of these two completely detached and clearly quite loopy loo, naked British soldiers in the gore splattered remains of the dug out before them – thence to simply shrug, shoulder their weapons, and slope off disconsolately back from whence ever they’d come from a short while earlier. Crazy Mad Bloody English Soldiers.

The author/SAS soldier goes onto argue that had it not been for their spontaneous reaction in explosive laughter together, they would probably have both been over run and killed by their far superior numbered adversaries – and that anyway, neither of them once suffered from emotional problems in later life as a result of their horrific shared experience together. He further explains that they were both genuinely delighted that poor old ex ‘Pete’ had taken a direct hit by the shell and would thus have felt absolutely nothing at all as a result of this most directest of hits. A soldiers perfect death wish scenario then. In the most efficient & painless of ways. When you’re picked out to go, that’s the way you really want to 'go' - period. It's the ultimate soldiers lottery win of ‘snuff me out nice-n-quickly please very much’ ticket. No point in crying about it. Job well done bloke. We'll all chip in and pay your mess bills. Laugh yourself stupid while you still can & 'Move on' - to what ever comes next?'...

This final laughter music video King Classic of all time infectious, feel good, just can't help yourself chuckle and laugh classics, is dedicated to selfless missing in action soldier ‘Pete’ then. It’s somehow fitting that both ‘Pete’ and the legendary ‘Charles Jolly-Penrose’ the music hall entertainer who wrote and performed the original ‘Laughing Policeman’ song back in 1922 – should deservedly get ‘The Last Laugh’ video slot on this post…I dare you not to!..  



Oh…and the study of humor and laughter, and its psychological and physiological effects on the human body, is called ‘gelotology’ by the way.
Gelotology! Now come on, own up…which little wobbly blamange out there dreamt that one up?

Now you can all bugger off back home to your own blogs and practice your Yoga Laughter Techniques.

And if you cant beat them - Laugh out loud at them!!


HA HA HA HA HA!


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